Part One 1960- May 2008
Recognising Gods hand in all my life helps me in so many ways. Writing this has been difficult for me as there are unpleasant past memories. Thankfully God has been always at my side, never faltering.
There was a daily soap opera in the 60’s with the introduction quote, “Like sands in an hourglass, so are the days of our lives.” The many events in my life, so frequent, they are like those many grains of sand. More than once has God directly intervened in my life, saving it for another day, bestowing unmerited favour.
From the 1960’s as a baby boomer I witnessed a rapidly changing world; the race to put a man on the moon, the introduction to a computer age, hippies, Vietnam war protests, political corruption, oil shortages and an age of innocence faded as a boy left to his own devices to basically raise himself.
My parents did have one unwavering requirement, God was a weekly focus. There were two other social pillars of life; a man is what he does and “you act too old for your age.” These two facts caused me grief at times, but the Boy Scouts and my journey to Eagle gave me life goals, positive examples of manhood and a respect for both God and country. I started working part time every day at twelve. Like many boys of the 60’s and 70’s I got a value system from parents raised in the 40’s and 50’s.
My father was a workaholic and very much a 50’s man in regard to a man’s responsibilities and belief in “a woman’s place”. Once I started school, I spent very little time with him as his focus on his career was paramount. Family was not as important as career. These were the values I left home with. The 1970’s blew by in a breath, so my journey into manhood began then as I went through my teen years in California and Iowa before joining the Army’s 82nd Airborne Division and four years later the 75th Ranger Regiment. Those Army years burned up the 1980’s.
Having witnessed my parents fight quite frequently, I had determined to not marry and my goal was to be a hermit in the mountains, like Grizzly Adams of the 1974 film. It was the Boy Scouts and my love for the outdoors that led me to make tough choices to go into the Army. Train to survive and be self dependent. After training in Alabama, in 1981 I was stationed in the 82nd Airborne Division at Fort Bragg, NC. It was deployment to Grenada in October of 1983 that let me meet the Army 75th Rangers.
I left the Army for 12 months to attend University again while waiting for a position to open. After changing my military special occupation and going through the selection process for special operations in 1985, I was stationed at Hunter Army Airfield in Savannah Georgia as a rifle team leader with Alpha Company 1/75. It was in 1986 I finally went on a date and discovered the pleasant company of women. Not all my decisions were wise in this area while I completed my second contract as a Ranger. I got hurt in a bad relationship.
God directs us even when we are not actively seeking His input. Not because we deserve it, He gives grace, unconditional love. By early 1988 I was praying to God, sometimes in tears, for many life interventions including a woman to love and another job as I had left the Army having decided I did not want any more years of the military.
God delivered both. Quite miraculously, so that it was clear to me that it wasn’t my doing. First a job at a paper mill working shift as a computer operator, which I had no specific education. God had started that self taught skill in 1977. A few months later I met a young college woman who I married in 1989. Both these new things changed my direction in life. I left law enforcement after yet another traumatic life experience where God opened my eyes.
I had lived a very tumultuous childhood, my parents left me with an impression that marriage was only a struggle. My then fiancé and I spent hours talking about expectations and responsibilities. I wanted to be the perfect husband, reminding myself of all the errors I thought my own parents had made. I put the wants and desires of my new love before my own often. I determined to prioritize God, my spouse, then the job into the proper order. Unfortunately "the best laid plans of mice and men" did not work as well as planned. Focus sometimes faltered, but conviction remained. In error, I began looking at the gifts given us and not the provider. We were very blessed the first ten years of marriage.
My military experiences and early manhood bad decisions had left me unable to father children. After eight years of marriage, my then wife and I began searching for options to become parents, even though when I proposed we understood fatherhood wasn’t possible. With Gods guidance I went to Emory in Atlanta and a doctor in fertility competed reconstructive surgery with a greater than 50% chance I could father. We had talked about other options, but with prayer and love God used good insurance coverage and His healing powers that resulted in our first child, a boy, just a few weeks after our 10th wedding anniversary. Three years later in July we had a daughter. This was a very happy time in my life and I loved being a dad. After eight weeks of maternity leave my ex returned to work. It was sometime after this that unforeseen relationship issues began appearing.
I had again began focusing on the gifts God had given us and not focusing on the provider. It was at about 15 years of marriage that my kids mother became involved with a much older married coworker. The revelation, “I am in love with him.” was earth shaking. My focus in life at this point was being a great dad, spending family time and building a new career managing IT for the government. Before we married we had many long conversations as Christians about fidelity and divorce not being an option. I was shattered when she filed for divorce so she could marry another married man who was married to his third wife and more than 10 years my senior. Her romantic coworker simply had her convinced to leave me. I was so in love with her I never had considered that she could be involved with someone else. I wasn’t paying attention.
Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Even though this life changing event, I could be moulded like a lump of clay to create something beautiful, I just could not see my way forward. Nothing in my life has ever been so devastating.
I was angry and even contemplated terminal violence against her “friend.” But I knew this was wrong so I just blinded myself to circumstances. My emotional state put my mind back into combat Ranger mode, where the enemy should be eliminated. Many emotions made my work focus difficult at times.
The betrayal; God was showing me the pain His own son must have felt when Judas bestowed the kiss on Jesus in the garden. Never in my life have I ever experienced such pain. The trauma was both emotionally and physically disabling. I was severely depressed.
She filed for divorce just a few weeks after telling me she wanted to work things out. This was a ruse to leave me financially bankrupt. She then had me ex-Parte (serving me at work and then forced from the home by Sheriff) and in an effort to hurt me further for telling her parents about her confession, she tried to keep me from seeing the children. She contemplated moving to Texas as her friend was retiring there shortly.
God was my shield as I cried out frequently for help. She decided proximity to her parents was best and did not go. I borrowed thousands of dollars for lawyer fees to fight for the right to have 50% custody, but Georgia law in 2006 said fathers have no rights to shared custody, unless it is proved the mother is a danger to the children. I did not believe this as she was a good mom. Further worsening the process, the judge said I had no right to speak in his court. Georgia law written during the 1840’s gold rush punished men for divorce. In the eyes of the judge, men are always to blame for divorce.
In 2006 and 2007 the only changes to divorce law in Georgia since 1840 was to provide “No Fault Divorce” allowing anyone to divorce for any reason, fault or testimony was irrelevant. The court drew the process out for a year and then I discovered the judge over our divorce was recognised as “The most prejudice justice against men in divorce proceedings within North America.” I was doomed and the lawyer used that to collect as much money as possible . The court ordered me to pay child support based on 25% my gross salary (I pay the taxes on it) and allow visitation with the children one weekend every three weeks. I was devastated.
I could not watch her new relationship with a much older man and have her treat him like the father of my children. She said that she would remove my son out of Cub Scouts if I did not leave his Cub Scouts as the pack leader. I had been in Scouting my entire life and wanted Madison to have such an experience. I immediately sought a job in north Georgia to be near the mountains and away where I had spent the past 20 years making a life. In January 2007 I took a job as IT Director for a metro North Georgia county.
As God would help me further, just six months later while I was still crying out in angst, six months later I was offered a position as a CIO of a company that provided IT services to government. After more than a year I was still hurting and angry about the divorce and the humiliation I felt as she paraded her new romance publicly. Further, I had lost my relationship with one of my best friends, her father. (It is never right to ask a parent to pick a side, she was his only daughter.) I was also angry about the financial inequality the court purposely created, as my earnings were taken in child support supposedly for the children, but my “ex” had the same salary level as I, and held no financial responsibility for child support. Her standard of living was quite elevated and flaunted with things like a new sports car, while my own situation was greatly reduced.
I was only allowed to see my son and daughter every third weekend. I found great joy in that weekend each month I spent with them. It helped ground me while I began working at a new level of senior management. I poured myself into my work to drown out the grief. I brought the children to my home in Atlanta once a month for the weekend. It was a four hour and thirty minute commute each way.
It was my proximity to Fort McPherson in Atlanta, the US Army Forces Command Headquarters, and with the war in Afghanistan in full swing I heard about an opportunity for past special operations soldiers to contract with Blackwater and other contractors. For just a few weeks of the year I could have all my earning federally tax exempt. There was a small problem, I was an older pre 9-11 special operations soldier, with a much higher education level, which put me in a whole different type of contracting position. I hadn’t been active in special operations for many years. The contract would help me tremendously financially and my attitude was, if they kill me, it’s was her loss. Yes, it was a very bad attitude as I did not consider how such loss would affect the children and it was a bad choice, But I felt my life was already destroyed. My focus was on the loss of marriage, all my belongings, my home and the children. All the bountiful and wonderful gifts God had given and I had lost them forever.
After seeking information about the contract requirement, I focused on the need for recertification of all my military skills. Post 9-11 requirements had changed things for contractors and the Army and nearly 15 years had passed. I signed up to receive my civilian skydiving license, upgrade my SCUBA license, convert my military flight experience and sharpen my marksmanship. None of the military certification were valid for contractor insurance policies. I had completed the refresher courses and already made a few jumps.
I had visitation with my two children the weekend of March 1, 2008 and as scheduling had it, I was also scheduled to complete my skydiving certification jump that Saturday. I picked up the children Friday evening and drove them to my home in Atlanta. Saturday morning early we loaded up for the hour drive to Skydive the Farm in Rockmart. When we arrived, the winds were too high for jumps, but the winter weather was forecast to clear in the late afternoon for jumping weather by sunset
I spent the afternoon teaching Madison, then just 8 years old, how to operate my digital camera with 300 mm zoom lens. He took to it quite well and I agreed to wear a yellow jumpsuit and use a blue and white foil canopy parachute so he could easily differentiate and identify me from the other jumpers and take pictures. Laura, just five years old, was inside the packing shed jumping on the trampoline with the jump masters daughter. It was just after five pm as we loaded the aircraft for my jump. Madison was all set up with tripod at the edge of the landing zone and with six others we took off for a sunset jump.
I do believe God goes before us in all we do. He may not approve of our plans and actions, but as a one of His, He goes before us and prepares a way. Clearly God has a plan for good, and not for evil, for each of us. I believe that God did not want me to go off in anger and contract with Blackwater in the Middle East. The paths of those around me were set for that evening.
Too many things happened that evening that worked together so perfectly to be happenstance. People and things were used by God so that my life would be saved. The jump was high altitude, low opening. We jumped and each of us navigated to the LZ target as set and marked. The rest of this information has been told to me, After 18 years I still have very little recollection of the jump or the months following.
At approximately 500 feet above the ground I experienced a canopy collapse. The FFA has investigated the accident twice. The 2008 conclusion was “inconclusive or undetermined” but one year later a nearly identical accident took the life of another well seasoned skydiver. They reopened my investigation for comparison as my accident was video filmed and the photos taken by my son Madison were once again reviewed. The 2009 determination of “Wind Shesr” was then attributed to my accident.
From 500 feet I began a fall at terminal velocity and when grounded I bounced more than ten feet in the air. It was recorded that I made a perfect military parachute landing fall which prevented spinal injury, however my injuries were fatally extensive.
Now was revealed how God goes before each of his own. One of my fellow jumpers was a paramedic with St. Joseph’s Childrens Hospital of Atlanta. He had a complete trauma kit with him, including an adult airway. When I struck the ground my left foot made first contact. My propper PLF cascaded injury to my entire left side.
The emergency call went out for air rescue while the paramedic kept me ventilated. A new jet helicopter was sent to take me to hospital. Being a Saturday night a doctor was enjoying an aerial tour in the chopper sent to retrieve me. I encountered cardiac failure en route and was successful resuscitated. On arrival at Grady Memorial I again had cardiac arrest and was resuscitated. As God arranged it so happened that the lead instructor for trauma medicine at Moorehouse Medical University was at Grady, Dr Leslie Ray Matthews. He stepped up to take the “military trauma case.” Triage found seventeen separate injuries, each life threatening. The prognosis stopped estimating probability of death at 300%. I had shattered my left hip, breaking the ball off of my femur. The impact broke my diaphragm forcing my lower internal organs up into my chest cavity, crushing my lungs and heart. I broke all the bones on the left side of my body, with exception of those in my ear. I had worn a helmet, but also suffered a traumatic brain injury.
Grady is the best trauma hospital in Georgia and a teaching hospital. The talents of leading physicians from around the world were available to reassemble me, however the prognosis even after initial surgeries was that I would not survive. My childrens mother was notified to come recover the children and given my prognosis of probable death.
I had been active in several veterans organisations that helped me stay in touch with those whom I served. A life member of the 82nd Airborne Division Association, life member of the US Army Ranger Association, life VFW member, and member of American Legion kept my weekends alone filled with activities, including the planning for the 2008 Airborne Awards in Atlanta. It was my involvement with this project that put General David Petraeus in my contacts and when he arrived in Atlanta from Iraq, he was kind enough to pray for my recovery with my military friends in Atlanta, as I had not died as expected.
When I completed all the required documents to go overseas, I had a living will at the time, with instructions that stated, “Do not resuscitate and no life support.” However, apparently I had not provided a copy of that documentation to the parachute licensing crew. Another miracle, because my broken diaphragm required a ventilator for long term life support. Within a few weeks I developed double pneumonia.
Dr. Matthews is also a research scientist at the CDC in Atlanta. This made him aware of an experimental antibiotic that was not approved for use. He made an application to use the drug, as my prognosis was death and they had exhausted all antibiotics available at the time. He administered the antibiotic without permission, but the next day permission was denied. God intervened once more and within 24 hours of receiving the medication I awoke from the coma as the drug quickly improved my condition.
At this point I had been in a coma for 61 days with a greater than 300% expectation I would die due to the overall trauma. Since leaving home, my relationship with my parents had been sketchy. I had seen them once about every five years as they had relocated to Michigan and I had remained in Georgia after leaving the military. It was because of my prognosis of “eminent death” that my parents traveled to Georgia, by air, with a gift of flight tickets from a coworker Brian Ellis. Travel would not have been possible without that gift.
My mother left her home in Michigan even while my father was going through his liver cancer treatment and stayed at my side daily. My dad returned after I did not immediately die as expected. There were a lot of prayers and communication between those who worked with me and all those people I had relationships with in Atlanta as well as those in SE Georgia. Lots of prayers were made often at moms church in Michigan and my childrens church in SE GA also prayed. Additionally military friends and organisations related to my contract venture were able to keep informed thanks to my mom who served as PR.
It was during this time that the diversity of people I knew from very different walks of life was revealed. I had conveniently organised those groups into boxes that did not interact with one another. Education, military, government, IT professionals and church friends all met each other as I was the common thread. It was while I slept that people began asking who was this man? Sometimes introverted and relatively quiet I did not match the diversity of those interested in my status. Privacy is not a choice we make and can enforce when sleeping and many people care.
May 1 of 2008 I awoke and was placed in a recovery status. I was relocated from Trauma Intensive Care to long term hospital care. I had experienced severe brain trauma and it was unclear how this affected my cognitive abilities. It was unclear if I would be able to walk. I was transferred to a facility in Atlanta for invalid care.
While at Grady on ventilation, double pneumonia required I be placed on a rotating bed so water would not collect fluids on my lungs. This rotation created an open wound on my coccyx. While pain medication helped, I was made aware of the injury immediately and was told to rest on one side or the other if possible. In transfer the tubes for body waste had been removed and the tracheostomy also. So, I required a bed pan to urinate. My very first night at the long-term care facility, as I was bed bound. I pushed the call button to request a bedpan. The response I received was “wet yourself and we’ll clean it up in the morning.” This was at 1500 hours in a weekday. I could not believe that they would risk the infection and I was getting the poorest level of care.
My mother had given my phone to me on transfer and I immediately called my home and told her about the situation. I was angry and I asked to be relocated to another facility immediately.
One more time God provided the only opening in Atlanta at a full in-patient physical and cognitive therapy rehabilitation facility. I was transferred the next day to that hospital just three blocks down from where I had worked in Fulton County Atlanta.
Most Americans live from paycheque to paycheque, I had been no different with my new economic reality of divorce. I did not have short term disability insurance. It was again by Gods grace that one of two partners at my firm, Rob Bradford, continued my pay until long term disability insurance was established. This enabled my rent to be paid so my mom could stay at my home nightly, my car payment to continue and all my bills got paid while I was in hospital. This revealed just how invested God was in covering my needs.
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t was while I was in cognitive and physical in patient treatment that my mother was contacted by the Atlanta Journal Constitution to write about my miraculous recovery from certain death. While all the details were not available about me, my mom did a great job explaining my care, the amazing surgeons and the great care I got at Grady. This front page story really showed the power of God through trauma medicine.
So, now I have caught up to the first week of May 2008. The next chapter will cover the remaining year and then continue Gods work in my life in 2009. Like sands in a hourglass, so are the miracles of my life.
